My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Church boner. Awkwardddd
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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