Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
