guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
When are your genitals available?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
