What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
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