guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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