I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
