just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Four minutes until I can fart!
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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