guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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