she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
