pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
