I'm gonna have a badass scar
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
