I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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