he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize