I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I stole a fireplace last night.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
