IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
