after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
