i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
