Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
