I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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