All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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