its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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