im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
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