He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
