I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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