i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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