He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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