He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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