Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
is wine microwaveable?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I need a beard to bite.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
