dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
