i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
