dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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