I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
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