sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
