theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
