I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
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