You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
and you fell through a lawn chair
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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