all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
