I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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