Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
