i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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