I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
