That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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