i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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