I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
he had hair everywhere except his balls
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
