I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
