never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
