I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
