I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
