You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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