dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
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