i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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