eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
