There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
