Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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