Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
She's the barista slut.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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