I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
