the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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