No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
