If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
