You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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