I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
