Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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