I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
