Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
