Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
What drink are we having for lunch?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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