I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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