My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
