never play flip cup with pint glasses
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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