My girlfriend figured out who you are.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
