We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
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why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
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Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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