last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
She needs sedatives and a leash
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
