He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
He has the fingertips of a God
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
