When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
