Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
